Sarah Baker | August 26, 2013 | 11:49 AM
One of the most frequent questions we get asked is “Will you tell Ezra he is adopted?” I think this question comes from a time of closed adoptions. Some people go their entire lives not knowing they are adopted. Sometimes people find out only in a medical emergency. Other times they find out when they begin questioning their birth story or why they are tall or have brown hair. Imagine how a person’s world would be turned upside down if they didn’t already know they were adopted and suddenly were faced with that news.
As a society, we come with a long history of closed adoptions and adoption being a taboo subject. With that mentality, we are often faced with even more awkward questions than this one. We are the first generation to embrace open adoption. While adoptions have taken place in all cultures throughout history, it is just in the last few decades that research has proven that open adoptions can be very rewarding and healthy for everyone involved. It gives the first family (birth parents) the peace and knowledge that the child they loved and carried is doing well. It gives the child the knowledge of his or her roots and love. It provides the adoptive family with the answers that a closed adoption wouldn’t provide.
So to answer the question of if we will tell Ezra he is adopted, the answer is; we already talk about his adoption with him. I feel it’s important to start early with this topic so it doesn’t come as a surprise. He has a picture of his birth parents and siblings in his room. We point out their pictures and tell him he grew in her belly and tell him their names. When we get together with them, he hears our conversations; reminiscing his birth, talking about our abundant and mutual love for him. When he’s bigger and can talk with us, we will continue to call them by their names and tell him God had him growing in his birth mom’s belly, but he was meant to live with us so we could be his Mommy and Daddy. Sometimes I call her belly mama. I think it all needs to be age appropriate to his capability of understanding. Right now, at 7.5 months old, he is learning the world around him. The adoption is part of his world. I am also in the process of making his first year photo book and a Life Book. A Life Book is not about adoption, but about his life. Not our feelings about how happy we are to have him, but a story line of how his adoption took place and who he is. It will include photos of his birth family, time lines, his sonograms, his birth, his baby years, etc. We will add to it as long as he wants and what he wants as he gets older, it is his life.
If you’d like to follow more of our adoption story go to: www.facebook.com/OurAdoption