Sarah Baker | November 05, 2013 | 11:04 AM
Since adopting our son, I find people say the strangest things. At least they are strange to me. While we are very open about the fact that Ezra is adopted and we want him to understand his roots, other people are making me learn to be more closed lip about it. I have come to only share our adoption story in certain platforms now. Not because I am ashamed or don’t want Ezra to know, but because people don’t understand adoption. It really depends on if I am in “educate” mode or “I’m a busy mom and don’t want to hear your comments” mode.
When someone says to me, “wow, where did he get his blonde hair?” Do I say, “His birth father was blonde as a child too”, or do I say “His dad”, or do I sarcastically say “Must have been the mailman.”? I don’t want Ezra to grow up thinking I am ashamed that he is adopted by avoiding the topic, but I also don’t want him to feel like I am always saying “well he’s adopted” either.
One thing I hear a lot when I do mention that he is adopted, is “Wow, you are so wonderful to have adopted.” Or “You are such an angel to adopt”. This is what gets me: I am not wonderful or an angel for adopting. I did not pluck an orphan out of the gutters of the street. I selfishly chose to expand my family through domestic infant adoption. I could have chosen foster care adoption or international orphan adoption, but I didn’t. I wanted my husband to experience having a baby since birth, since he missed that time of Isaac’s life. I wanted to know he would be called “daddy” not Joe by the next child. I wanted to experience the joys of a baby with him and with Isaac as a big brother. I wanted to have an attachment that felt like I was there from the start. I wanted to attempt breast feeding by inducing lactation.
So, when someone tells me I am so wonderful for adopting Ezra, do I smile and nod and give them thanks for the compliment or do I spout off like a crazy person telling them why I am the lucky one, not him? I want to educate people on adoption, but is there a time and place for that?