As an adoptive parent, I wanted to experience as many norms as a biological parent would. After hearing “breast is best” so many times, I wanted to give my son the best, too. I also had the added testimony of a healthy, thriving, and intelligent biological son, whom I did breastfeed for over a year, as proof in the pudding. When we first started the adoption process, I mourned the loss of the bonding and health benefits of breastfeeding. Then I started wondering if I could also breastfeed the child we were hoping to adopt. At first I wondered how people would perceive me breastfeeding a child who wasn’t biologically mine. Was it weird? Unnatural? I got mixed responses when I started asking people’s opinions, but after hearing a lot of praise of the idea, if possible, I started researching more. Here’s what I learned in my journey: Follow me over to adoption.com for the rest of the article and the 9 things I wish I had known about adoptive breastfeeding!
OK readers… It’s time for your input again. I have been approached a lot lately to have advertisements on my page. I would like to know your thoughts on this. Some companies have been asking for reviews of products or ads/coupons placed on my page. While some of these products could possibly be a good fit and helpful to fellow parents, I don’t want them to be intrusive on my page and distract from why you actually visit, to read the articles on adoption. I have added a page to publish book reviews by people who have requested them, or relevant books I think you would like. You’d have to willingly click to go to that page though. So I don’t have a problem with that. Some other things, like coupons for child, health or food/drink products I am interested to see your thoughts on. Some vendors have asked for a blog post reviewing a product. I am not keen on that idea. Others have suggested doing a give-a-way of their product in exchange for an ad placement on the page. So… what are your thoughts?
This is one of the best blog posts I have seen in a long time. Ezra just turned 11 months old and this fits him to a T. Sorry, this entry is completely unrelated to adoption, but it fits my Ezra perfect! I had to share it with you!
I am a ten-month-old baby and I write because my mother has been sending out my “Christmas List” to people, and her list does not in any way represent the things I really want. I could give two s#*ts about receiving stacking cups.
And I know you’re ready to make the joke about ten month-old babies and how all we want is the wrapping paper and the boxes. Touché, Santa. Touché. We do, of course, want those things. But I have a number of additional things I want very badly.
My list is enclosed below. Have a lovely holiday.
-Ten Month-Old Baby
See the wishlist at: http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a-ten-month-olds-letter-to-santa/
Sarah Baker | May 22, 2013 | 01:04 PM
Since my first son, Isaac, is biologically mine, I was able to naturally breast feed him. I never really cared for the smell or the cost of formula and I felt it was what was best for him. God gave me the ability, so I was going to try my hardest to make it work. I successfully breast fed Isaac until he was about 14 months old. When we decided on adoption, I wished I could give our new baby the same nourishment. I worried about all sorts of things, like first of all, how would I even be able to do it? Secondly, would people think I was strange if I nursed a baby I adopted instead of gave birth to? I talked to the mother who selected us and she was on board for me doing it, so that made me feel like I could and should!
I started the process by searching the web to find resources on inducing lactation and seeing my OBGYN and endocrinologist. I was a bit discouraged at first because the most beneficial sites I found suggested a 6+ month induction time frame for best results. I didn’t have that much time. My GYN referred me to Mercy Hospital’s lactation department. There I met with a wonderful lady who sat down with me and went over my hopes and the protocols that I found online. She was very happy to hear that I was actually “re-lactating” since I nursed Isaac years ago. She was hopeful that it would be much easier for me; however we had a road block with the protocol. The protocol still called for 2 drugs to be taken. One was an oral birth control (I decided on Ocella for the estrogen and progesterone) as well as a drug called Domperidone. It is actually a medication used for severe acid reflux and nausea (I have those frequently), but its side effect is increased prolactin. Prolactin is made by the pituitary gland (I used to have a pituitary tumor that secreted prolactin, so my doctor took some convincing on this protocol). Domperidone is highly recommended by lactation consultants and doctors alike, however it has never been approved by the FDA in the US. It can be prescribed, but because of its lack of FDA approval, some doctors are nervous to actually write a script. I had to make the decision to order it from another country or take an alternate drug called Reglan which crosses the blood brain barrier and can cause mental illness if taken longer than 3 weeks. I went with ordering Domperidone from another country. The risk seemed far less scary. With 17 weeks left to go in the birth mother’s pregnancy, I started taking Ocella. I tolerated the birth control very well. I was to skip the placebo pills and continue with just the hormone pills until I stop a few weeks prior to birth. Adding in the Domperidone gradually and continuing taking it after the birth control is stopped to keep the milk production and prolactin high. Because I nursed Isaac, my milk glands were already in the state they needed to be or apparently it wouldn’t take much to get them where they needed to be. Within days of taking birth control, my breasts started to hurt and feel much heavier. I began massaging them daily for about 5 minutes per breast. I began nipple stimulation with the massage and in the shower for a few minutes each day to toughen, stimulate and prepare.
The “Ask Lenore” website is the standard protocol used for inducing… it says to take to take the Domperidone the entire time you are taking the birth control and eventually wean off it once milk supply is well established. Other sites claim that it has a peak point at 14 days of use and then begins to trail off. So that was going to be trial and error I suppose. Within a few weeks I started getting drops of milk. I was impressed with the quick results! Unfortunately, our adoption match fell through and we were unsure if we would proceed in adoption after our devastation of that loss, so I stopped the protocol. When we decided to move forward again we were matched very quickly and I started again. Although I did get some milk before Ezra was born, it was not full supply. He was a hungry little fella and although he was excellent at nursing, my milk supply never fully came in and out of pure exhaustion I turned to formula. I was disappointed in myself, but he did continue to nurse daily for the first month while also getting formula. I am glad we had some time together with breast feeding, even if it wasn’t much milk or a full year. It was an excellent way to bond with my new baby.
Some helpful things to help with milk production to have on hand are:
• Goat’s Rue
• Mother’s Milk Tea
• Medela or other brand Nursing Simulator
• A good breast pump
PS. Two big things happened for Ezra this week: The doctor said he was ready to start cereal, so we tried it and he LOVED it. Isaac was 6 months when he tried rice cereal. Drum roll please, Ezra’s very first tooth broke through…. 4 months and 2 weeks old. Isaac was 7 months old when he got his first tooth. I was a very thankful breast feeding mama for that! It really goes to show you how each baby is so different.
“I’m Having Their Baby”
Sarah Baker | May 21, 2013 | 12:43 PM
Adoption is a beautiful and loving act. Until recently, I had no reason to think anyone would ever feel differently about it. Imagine my shock when I saw there are groups online that are anti-adoption and seek out social media and other platforms to voice their hate of the practice.
There is a TV show on the Oxygen Network called I’m Having Their Baby. The 2nd season of the series premiers June 12th. We are on that premier episode with the story of our adoption. Of course, being featured on the show, I visit their website, watch the station and follow their Facebook page.
As the show fan base grew, I began seeing more people posting on the Facebook page about their experiences with adoption. Most were birth mother’s saying they love the show and telling their story or adoptive parents sharing their story or their hopes of becoming parents through adoption one day. Later, I started seeing people post that they disliked the name of the show and that it implied that these pregnant women’s unborn child already belonged to the adoptive parents. I can see where that might strike a nerve. I don’t think it was the intent of the network to have it looked at like that. The show’s first season very much focused on the birth mothers and the journey of deciding to place their child for adoption. The adoptive parents played very little role in the show, sometimes they weren’t featured at all.
I then began seeing the comments get ugly. Activist groups started posting daily messages on every single post the TV show made. On the posts that people made supporting adoption or saying they liked the show would get attacked. Of course I wanted to understand why they hated adoption so much. Some people were from other countries where the adoption history is not formal or even legal in some situations. It is true baby trafficking. But, this show features American adoptions which follow very strict guidelines. I was dumbfounded by their hatred and felt they were off topic with comparing apples to oranges. Comments that I read are: “Adoptees would rather be aborted than placed for adoption.” And “Infertile women feel entitled to take other women’s babies.” And “Adoption is nothing more than baby trafficking.” One comment even said that instead of adopting women’s babies that are too poor, uneducated, addicted or incapable, it was our job to help them by providing for them so they were able to keep their baby. I can understand the want to keep babies with their birth family. As our story will show when it airs, (If you watch that show, be aware this entry brings somewhat of a **SPOILER ALERT**) I fully support a mother parenting her own child. But if she makes the decision to place her baby or child for adoption because of where she is in her life, I am not here to judge her for her reasoning, like many of these online trolls are doing, but to instead open my heart and home to raise that baby as if it came from my own womb.
I did not purchase Ezra, I adopted him. I did not coerce his birth mother into giving him to me, she made a decision and I accepted him. The agency provided her and her fiancé with counseling to make sure the decision she was making was truly the decision she was comfortable with. Not only do these activists against adoption attack the adoptive parents, but they have begun attacking women that post on the Facebook page about how they placed their child for adoption X number of years ago and how they have no regrets. I read a comment directed to a birth mother yesterday that said “you never loved that baby, stop lying.” WOW, that is just devastating to me. Until you are in someone else’s shoes, why be so judgmental?
In a perfect world every person would be able to have the exact number of children they want at the perfect moment in their life while living the in the perfect environment to raise that child. But that is not the case for everyone. The decision to place a child for adoption does not mean the mother doesn’t love her baby. She will likely always have an ache to raise that child. The decision to adopt a child does not mean that we are so baby hungry that we lack the emotion to deal with the pain the birth mother feels in her choice or to love our adopted child so much to realize we need to recognize the hurt and loss he/she will feel in their life. As an adoptee wants to know his/her birth parents that does not mean they don’t love the parents who raised them. This is why I am so thankful to have training, counseling, open adoption, and ongoing resources to help my son as he grows. But no matter what anyone says, he is MY son… he just also happens to be the son of someone else as well. Adoption may hurt in some ways, but it also is so cherished in many others.