Coercion in Adoption: What It Is and Why It Is Wrong

Published on Adoption.com 9/14/15

coercionAdoption coercion is when there is any type of pressure, withholding of information or services, or purposeful manipulation that results in her choosing to place her child for adoption.

Coercion in adoption takes away a woman’s right and ability to make a decision. There are adoption coercion laws in place to protect women when placing their child for adoption, but they vary from state to state. But regardless of the laws of your state, an ethical adoption will ensure that the mother is placing the child on her own accord and without any form of coercion. You may have to do extra research to ensure you are working with an adoption professional who will act not only legally, but ethically as well.

Now you are probably wondering what classifies as coercion. Maybe you are even feeling slightly panicked, wondering if anything was done in your adoption to make your child’s birth mother feel like she didn’t have a choice in her placement. Rest assured that everyone makes plenty of unintentional errors; rather than pointing fingers, the purpose of this article is to educate those pursuing adoption and shape the industry to a better standard moving forward.

As adoptive parents we need to recognize the signs of coercion and stand up for expectant parents who are considering adoption placement.

To read more about adoption coercion and how to avoid participating in adoption coercion, read the rest of the article at adoption.com.

Words Don’t Have to Hurt – Adoption.com

The words people use aren’t always appropriate, but it doesn’t make them bad.

TwoRealMomsTwoRealDads“Where is her real mom?” or “Why did his real mom give him up?” Sometimes the things people say to us make us cringe. We get defensive and sometimes fire back the answer with the intent to offend or belittle the person asking. We react because it causes us pain. It attacks that soft spot of infertility that not having biological children left many of us with. It may reopen a wound we thought had closed. We fear it may confuse our child. We worry about how the words of others will affect the emotions of our little ones. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. While that little rhyme might not always be true, we do have power to decide what we allow to hurt us.

One thing I have learned, and maybe it’s thanks to many friends in the adoption groups I am involved in, is that I don’t have to take everything personally. To read more about why I don’t think words are always meant or used with ill intentions? Follow this link to adoption.com to understand why I personally have used the word “real” many times in talking about biological family members.

What is Open Adoption?

WhatIsOpenAdoption-05Being so involved in the adoption community, it’s natural that I get a lot of inquiries from friends and random people seeking help in beginning their adoption journey.  One of the things I have to often remind myself is that I was once in their shoes.  In today’s adoption climate, open adoption is the norm.  But that doesn’t mean that everyone in the early stages of adoption knows about open adoption or is immediately comfortable with the idea…

To read the full article, please visit adoption.com

Positive Vs. Honest Adoption Language – Adoption.com

PositivevsHonestLanguage-28 In this crazy journey through life, we are in a constant frenzy of education in how the ways of the world work. Adoption language receives no escape in this evolution. Adoption has been a part of history from the earliest days. Adoption of family members through death or other reasons was common. In tribes, parenting as a village was normal. As adoption became a more formal practice, guardianship took on new roles. From the recent history of closed adoptions being the norm, we have now replaced it with open adoptions. Open adoptions favor the child and have had many studies showing the benefits in helping birth parents and people who were adopted gain insight, healing, and acceptance.

One thing that also evolves in adoption is the language used.  To read the rest of the article, visit adoption.com.