Sunday Morning Magazine Show

sunday morningI am so excited!  I am in Chicago this week visiting my husband with the kids while he works here for one of his clients.  He has been coming home on weekends, but since it’s Spring Break for Isaac, we decided to come to him and take in some of the city and things to do.  I have been trying to work on the blog here and there, but with also working and my boys coming down with colds, I haven’t posted.

A couple days ago I woke up and was checking my email, as I do every morning upon waking up, and I had an email from Rodney Lear at Q102 (WKRQ Cincinnati).  Mr. Lear was inviting me to be a guest on his radio show to talk about adoption!  After I read the email like 4 times, forwarded it to my husband, texted my husband saying READ YOUR EMAIL NOW, I responded that I would love to participate!

The interview segment is prerecorded, so I’ll be going into the studio on Thursday, April 10th.  He said he expects the interview will air on Sunday, April 13th.  I am sooooo nervous and yet, so excited!  Obviously adoption is something I am passionate about and I hope that this will really open some doors for people to understand adoption more!

For all you out-of-towners, don’t worry, the show is also streamed online.

Here’s the schedule for Sunday Morning Magazine with Rodney Lear 

Airs Sunday April 13th: (times are EST)

7:00 a.m. on WKRQ-FM (101.9)

7:00 a.m. on  WYGY-FM (97.3)

6:00 a.m. on WUBE-FM (105.1)

6 :00 a.m. on WREW-FM (94.9)

For everyone that can’t listen, I will do my best to get a link or file to upload to the blog as soon as I can after it airs.  Thank you so much for your support!

cincinnati

top_mommy_blogs_signature_banner

Advertisements

Birth Father Rights – Sound Off

lawBookA few days ago, on an adoption Facebook page, a moderator asked the question: “If you could change one adoption law, what would it be?”.   Wow, where would I start, how could I choose just one?!?!?! I went with a general answer of “federal adoption reform laws” and then added in a few examples of lowering/standardizing adoption fees and making birth father part of the process and not a burden.  This spiraled out of control by people in the “anti-adoption camp”.  They accused me of saying that the birth father posed a burden to me getting my baby via adoption.  This is NOT at all what I meant and luckily before I saw it a friend came to my rescue.  Although the nay sayers still questioned my intent.  So here it is…

In many states birth fathers have very little rights when it comes to the baby they helped create.  Utah is the worst of all the states.  Adoption agencies in Utah actually will pull expecting mothers from their home state to Utah and house them there (at the expense of the potential adoptive parents) to hide them away from birth fathers who are seen as someone that can interfere with the adoption plan.  The right for these men to have a say in the adoption or parent their child is stripped of them.  In states like mine, Ohio, things work a little differently, but recent proposed adoption laws seem to be getting more and more like Utah in my opinion.

When we matched with our first expecting mother, she lived in Indiana which is a state that allows expecting fathers to sign their rights to the child away prior to the birth.  Although the father of the baby did so prior to birth, he later regretted it very much.  This was a constant source of heartache and stress in our adoption match and was one of the reasons the match was not fruitful.   With our second match, the one that resulted in the placement of our son, it was in Ohio and done differently.  The expecting father had rights.  He was involved.  He was a part of the process and agreed 72 hours after birth, just like the mother. It’s not always the case in Ohio though.  Ohio has something called a Putative Father Registry.  In Ohio a woman is not obligated to tell a man she has become pregnant.  It is said to be the man’s duty to inquire if a pregnancy resulted from intercourse.  After birth in Ohio, a father has up to 30 days to register that he thinks he MAY be the father of a child born.  This can disrupt the adoption and that’s not what this blog is about… this blog is about the fact that he is not required to be notified or given any opportunity to fight for his child before birth.  He has to KNOW the registry even exists in order to register.  Did you know about this registry?

Ohio’s new bill passed the House in January and it takes the ability for a father to register with the Putative Father Registry from 30 days down to 7 days.  They are also stating that it “Establishes a pre-birth notification process modeled after the one used in Indiana to provide a mother the option to notify a putative father prior to giving birth”.  I’m sorry, but why is this a legal matter?  The expecting mother CAN ALREADY NOTIFY him.  What this is actually saying though is that now she can ask him to sign away his rights or be forced to sign away his rights by serving him a court order as they are able to do in Indiana and other states.  Don’t mistake the verbiage they are using in the bill for being pro-woman or pro-family.  It solely serves the purpose of diminishing the man’s role in the adoption process because agencies see him as an obstacle to overcome so they can place the baby in a paying clients hands.

As an adoptive mother, I am NOT ok with any form of coercion when it comes to becoming a mother.  If a father is not involved in the adoption plan, I don’t want it to be because he was tricked, manipulated or lied to.   I am part of an adoption triad that is VERY open and is open with all family members.  Not only are Ezra’s birth parents involved regularly in his life, but extended family members as well.  Adoption doesn’t have to be ugly like these laws are trying to make it.

Here is more information on the Ohio Putative Father Registry Law:

3107.061 Putative father on notice that consent unnecessary.

A man who has sexual intercourse with a woman is on notice that if a child is born as a result and the man is the putative father, the child may be adopted without his consent pursuant to division (B) of section 3107.07 of the Revised Code.

Effective Date: 06-20-1996

3107.062 Putative father registry.

The department of job and family services shall establish a putative father registry. To register, a putative father must complete a registration form prescribed under section 3107.065 of the Revised Code and submit it to the department. The registration form shall include the putative father’s name; the name of the mother of the person he claims as his child; and the address or telephone number at which he wishes to receive, pursuant to section 3107.11 of the Revised Code, notice of any petition that may be filed to adopt a minor he claims as his child.

A putative father may register at any time. For the purpose of preserving the requirement of his consent to an adoption, a putative father shall register before or not later than thirty days after the birth of the child. No fee shall be charged for registration.

On receipt of a completed registration form, the department shall indicate on the form the date of receipt and file it in the putative father registry. The department shall maintain registration forms in a manner that enables it to access a registration form using either the name of the putative father or of the mother.

Amended by 129th General AssemblyFile No.180,HB 279, §1, eff. 3/20/2013.

Effective Date: 07-01-2000

3107.063 Searching putative father registry.

An attorney arranging a minor’s adoption, a mother , a public children services agency, a private noncustodial agency, or a private child placing agency may request at any time that the department of job and family services search the putative father registry to determine whether a man is registered as the minor’s putative father. The request shall include the mother’s name. On receipt of the request, the department shall search the registry. If the department determines that a man is registered as the minor’s putative father, it shall provide the attorney, mother, or agency a certified copy of the man’s registration form. If the department determines that no man is registered as the minor’s putative father, it shall provide the attorney, mother, or agency a certified written statement to that effect. The department shall specify in the statement the date the search request was submitted. No fee shall be charged for searching the registry.

Division (B) of section 3107.17 of the Revised Code does not apply to this section.

Amended by 129th General AssemblyFile No.180,HB 279, §1, eff. 3/20/2013.

Leaving the Hospital

Drive Thru Baby

Leaving the Hospital

Sarah Baker | August 06, 2013 | 03:05 PM

Adoption is such a surreal experience. You go into it not pregnant and yet hoping to come home with a child one day. We went through the steps. We decorated the nursery. We bought clothes and toys. We had family members and friends asking questions about when the baby would come. But, it sort of feels make believe.

There is no physical evidence that we had a baby on the way. No food cravings. No morning sickness. No feeling the baby move. No doctor checkups… at least not for me. When we were matched with Ezra’s birth mom it was so exciting, but also so scary. Joe and I were fearful that we would have another match fall through. But, we also were concerned for this woman who was making a huge sacrifice for her baby. How do you thank a person for giving you something so incredible and trusting you with their most precious creation? How do you protect them from the sadness that will surely come? How do you address something bringing you so much joy but is so tragic for them? The answer is love.

At the hospital when a baby is born, you are usually bombarded with family and friends coming to visit. Adoption is a sensitive matter and we felt that having our family visit us at the hospital would be disrespectful to Ezra’s birth parents. This was their special time to spend with the baby. This was also a time for us to not only bond with the baby, but to strengthen our bond with them. We laughed, we cried, we hugged, we visited, we bonded. The hospital staff was very generous in giving Joe and I a room of our own, right across the hall from Ezra’s birth mom. We could rest and talk and spend time together and apart. It was a beautiful experience. (minus the stomach bug I had while there)

The final day at the hospital was a very emotional day. Ezra’s birth parents had to sign papers stating we were allowed to take him home and have guardianship of him even though their termination of rights wouldn’t be signed and completed for another day and a half. (72 hours in Ohio) There were social workers coming in to talk with us and them. His birth father filled out his birth certificate paperwork and gave him the first and middle name we had chosen and his biological last name. What a gift to give him a name that he can take with him as his identity. While the adoption has since finalized and he now has our last name, he will forever have that first surname to carry with him as a part of who he is. We ate lunch together and quietly oo’d and ahh’d over the adorable little miracle.

As we packed our things, I sobbed. We were taking this little baby home with us… and they were not. How can you feel so much joy and sorrow at the same time? We walked with them to their car and said our goodbyes. We hugged and tried to hold back more tears. We waved as they pulled away and suddenly we were hit with the realization that we were now with a little infant. As we walked to the other side of the hospital, holding hands and carrying our newborn son in his infant seat, we smiled and were rather quiet as we tried to digest that “this really just happened”. The thought of 4 months prior, our hearts were crushed by the loss of our first matched baby. Then 2 months later we learned that we were matched again. To that day… where there we stood with a baby we had prayed for. We arrived at the hospital for a fluid check of a woman that was not me, carrying a baby she intended to give us, that part of me was unsure would be mine. Only 2 days later we were headed home with this perfect little human. That’s the enormity of that event is so hard to comprehend. All I knew was that was the scariest drive home EVER. I was now responsible for another little tiny life. WOW.